Project 52:8 | Provision

I hadn't planned on today's word to be provision. It just kind of happened. Eden was eating her bowl of "puffs" (puffed rice cereal) and kept putting the bowl up to her face to eat. I instantly knew what I was going to write about. It seems like we have the same question at least once a month, "how are we going to have our needs met?" It's funny that provision came to mind at the end of the month because that always seems to be the hardest for us. All of our food has run out and we just don't know what we are going to do. Then, just as always, God provides. There were times where I looked into our pantry and our refrigerator in tears, not knowing what we would feed Eden this time and every single time a miracle happened. God has brought some amazing people into our lives that ensure that we have our pantry stocked, clothes for Eden, and a roof over our heads. We have been humbled so many times throughout this process, and yet so very blessed. 

I know that as we wait to figure out what God has in store for us next, we will continually remember that we will be taken care of. There is no need to worry. What a comforting thought. 

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! We've got a nursery to finish up...yay! For those who are wondering, no it's not ours (hopefully one day!) but its for our BFF's baby that is coming so very soon! 

For more Project 52 goodness, check out these fine blogs:

styleberry BLOG, Lucas and Mahina, Wicked Kate, The Mog Blog, Dana Moran Photography

Let me know if you want to join in on the fun! It's never too late to start your Project 52 :)

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I Got Brushed By Fame!

You guys. I just had the most surreal moment of my blogging life. Tonight I met John and Sherry. You know...the ones who write the "little" blog called Young House Love. You know you've heard about it. These two are renovating mavens. I was so excited I had to share it with you. Seriously I was SO nervous to talk to them because we all know I tend to have word vomit when I'm feeling awkward. No idea what I actually said, but I do know that we talked about Bella's days as a Bachelorette. Yes, it's true...we let our dog compete with other ladies for another man's love. Don't call us crazy...we just love our dog. Seriously though they are exactly what I expected them to be like...humble, hilarious, and down to earth. Awesome people. 

Oh and you want to know what else? I totally met some bloggers that I had connected with awhile back. I happened to see them pass by and totally had one of those, "I'm almost positive I know them, but I don't want to make a fool of myself and say hi to them and then have them look at me like I was super crazy" moments. This happens to me a lot. Anyway, they did remember me! They are Portland home bloggers and are HILARIOUS. Loved their fun personalities. I'm glad they didn't run screaming and actually stuck around to talk. Thanks guys, you flatter me. I didn't take a photo with them (I think I would have scared me), but they do blog over at Tell'er All About It and you should check them out. 

Anyway, I am totally on a blogging high right now. I mean, these are big league bloggers, and I am just a humble nobody blogger so this just made my day. Makes me realize why I love blogging so much...you can connect with people you never would have otherwise. I love that. Plus I am beyond shy, like never leaving my house shy, so blogging makes it just a bit easier to pretend like I am outgoing. Totally had you fooled right ;)

Well, there was my brush with fame for the day! 

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Project 52:7 | Fun

I promise I didn't forget to post my Project 52...I have a good excuse, REALLY! We actually got invited on a last minute and total spur of the moment family trip with Josh's side to the Washington coast so we said, "SURE!" and went for it. That meant no chance of posting or doing much of anything but having lots of fun. Well, I did sneak in some work on an invitation I am designing, but other than that it was all play. 

I wish we made more time for fun. We tend to like the idea of fun, but with our busy schedules and lack of  funds we make so many excuses as to why we can't do anything. I think this needs to stop. I don't want Eden to lack great experiences just because her parents never stopped everything and just went on an adventure. Yes, it is a little more challenging to come up with activities when you have zero money to spend, but it certainly can be done with a bit of creativity. 

Now, since I took FOREVER to get this posted, you'll see another one in just a few short days! 

For more Project 52 goodness, check out these fine blogs:

styleberry BLOG, Lucas and Mahina, Wicked Kate, The Mog Blog, Dana Moran Photography

Let me know if you want to join in on the fun! It's never too late to start your Project 52 :)

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I Love Love.

All of us over here at the Crain household want to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you have a date or not, I still think this can be a fun day for you. Send a friend a little treat, drop off flowers to your widowed neighbor, send some chocolates to your mom...you are creative, think of something. Our plans include pizza, some homemade whole wheat brownies, and Limeberry (frozen yogurt) of course! As if we would celebrate any other way. We hope you all enjoy this day often thought of as the "greeting card holiday." Well, we are doing homemade Valentine's for one another that list the 14 things we love most, which we will also write for Eden too...so take that Hallmark! Just teasing card companies, I'm glad you can make some money today.

Enjoy your day! :)

XoXo,

The Crain's 

*Thank you to those of you that made it through my last post and encouraged me. I wasn't looking for affirmation, but God always knows what we need because I most certainly took each and every comment to heart. Thank you dear friends for reminding me that being honest is a-ok! 

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On This Cloudy Monday...

Grab a cup of coffee and get comfy because I have a lot on my mind and I have no idea where I am going to go with it...so since I think of you all as friends, I figured who better to spill my heart out to, right?

First things first...my computer died. I mean it won't even turn on. It's a goner. Technically Josh can fix it, but I have jokingly said I planned on killing it so I could get my beloved MAC. Obviously this is not an actual possibility at this stage in our lives, but its worth pretending. I tend to pretend a lot. Like how I pretend that I can actually buy new clothes. Most of them hail from the early 2000's, some even from the 90's. I guess we shall call them vintage. I'm not complaining, but it leads to my next point. 

Our family is broke. I think I've hinted at it a couple times. I don't think any of you thought we were taking baths in money here, but things are beyond just tight. Things have gotten real and they have gotten scary at times. I tend to be a frugal sort and will do anything to save a buck (seriously one of these days I'll share my money saving tips and I think some of you are going to be scared). With the realization that we NOTHING (in the monetary sense...we have EVERYTHING in a spiritual sense) we started to be even more radical in our approach to life. One thing? It looks like we are officially giving up our house. So many have asked how I feel about it and honestly? We feel great! We are going to miss this place so much when it is gone, but we know it is absolutely the best thing for our family. I'll probably be talking about the house a lot as I really want to preserve the memories of this house, every square foot of it (don't worry...there are only 834). 

The thing about being without money is that a lot of times you have to deal with some tougher issues. We have learned humility a whole lot of times throughout the past year. I've learned to smile through the tears as yet another person yells at me because I can't pay them. Don't they know I want to so bad? Most of these moments are so very embarrassing, but I am sharing them because I can almost guarantee someone out there that is reading this is going through the same thing. I want you to know to not be ashamed. It will all be okay. Trust me, I have to tell myself this daily. 

The whole money thing has taught me a lot about the friendships I have. Some of them have grown stronger and others not so much. So many people have prayed for us and with us and that means the world. However, I know a lot of friends just don't know how to approach us right now and that's okay, we get it. I'm struggling with feeling burned by a few people right now and I so desperately want to imitate Jesus and love them just the same. But it's hard. I find myself wanting to avoid those friendships right now because I don't think I can plaster a smile on my face and love them the way that I should. I know this sounds awful, and I agree, but it's just what I am feeling right now.

Did you know that I have struggled with depression since I was 12? It wasn't until the summer before I met Josh that I finally pushed myself to get help. Now the pain from it all is so rare that it shocks me every time I feel that dark gray cloud looming overhead. It seems like I have to fight a bit harder right now and I know its just a time of testing. I'll get through it, I always do, but I think I am just trying to hard to fight everyone's battles alone. I cannot possibly do this and sometimes I forget that. The thing is, I absolutely hate watching people hurt and it seems like so many friends are hurting right now. I wish I could just fix everything for everyone and I know that I cannot do that. So I pray. A lot. I just always want my friends to know I am there. ALWAYS. You know what is sad? Back in college I had a classmate who turned to me and said, "You cannot be a Christian and have depression. If you are depressed then you aren't really a Christian." WHOA. She wasn't speaking about me, she was speaking in a general sense, but she had NO IDEA the pain that I had gone through. Guess what? You can be sad and love Jesus all the same, and He will get you through it. 

I don't know if any of you are still here reading. Probably not and that's okay. If any of you are, I just wanted to let you know that all of this has kept me from blogging. You know I'm always talking about being open and honest on here, but I found myself unable to blog because I didn't want to be honest about all of this. I love to smile and I like to make others smile and this stuff? This stuff is just sad. But, it's my reality now. And I realized that even if this only helps one person on this whole Earth, well, then it's so worth me typing out the raw emotions I am feeling right now. Can I be honest about blogging? Some days it is such a wonderful thing and I LOVE it. There were a few times where I thought it might be fun to make money off of the blog just because I'm always wanting to make a buck. Yet, I love feeling like I have nothing holding me back. I can post about anything I want because it's mine. You know what holds me back from posting more often? Criticism. I find myself tortured when no one comments. What a bad bad attitude to have. Yes, I have chosen to be out here on the vast internet, but I need to always remind myself that I am blogging for me and in doing so, I hope some of you like what I have to offer. I'm learning to let go of my fears from my wonderful husband. I don't think he knows that he is teaching me anything, but he is. See, Josh, and all of those other real estate agents out there handle rejection, criticism, failures, etc. each day. How they do this with a smile on their face is beyond me! It's why I have always said I could never be an agent...they must have backbones made of steel. Either way, I am so proud of Josh and what he does every day and I am thankful that I am learning to not take everything to heart. Phew..that's hard.

Well, thanks for any of you that made it through this novel. I know I never have pictureless posts, but that's just what you are getting today...especially since I am without my trusty laptop. Thanks for allowing me to be honest always :) If any of this was familiar to you, know that I am always praying for you and that you can make it through, you just have to believe that you can! 

XoXo,

Mallory

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